A decline in modeling standards?

No offence to Ms. Sayle, I am sure she's a great gal, but modelling isn't really her thing. While glancing through Cricinfo's pictures database, I came across a picture of Alastair Cook posing to raise money for a charity. Perfectly honorable! But the picture description reads

"How's that? Alastair Cook poses with model Emma Sayle for a sports calendar to raise funds for the CHASE Ben Hollioake Fund, Chelmsford, Essex, May 10, 2007"

Here is the picture..This chick is a model? Hmm, lets ignore the yellow color for now, but what is that pouch around her, you know..? Plus she is holding the bat the wrong way. Anyway, I'm not hating on you, Ms. Sayle. Just suggesting an alternate lifestyle...and career.

Alastair Cook, on the other hand, never ceases to disappoint us...

Cricket Hall of Fame?

Didn't even know a cricket hall of fame existed. I also didn't know that it's in Hartford, Connecticut. How odd? Here is the email I got regarding Mushtaq Mohammad's induction ceremony.

On September 22, 2007 Mushtaq Mohammed will be one to the International cricket players to be inducted into the International Cricket Hall of Fame located in Hartford, CT.

He has graciously accepted his nomination and will be present at the ceremonies. Ceremony will be held at the Hartford Downtown Marriott.

A table of ten is rated at $600.00 and a single ticket is $70.00. All of our inductees receive a hall of fame ring valued at $1000.00, the person or people who sponsor the ring will have the honor of presenting that ring to Mr. Mohammed.

Alrighty, the website says its an open bar too. Sweet!

The international inductees have a lot of West Indians on the list. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I have no clue who the local inductees are. Are they the local Hartford Connecticut stars? Not sure...

Pakistan Cricket Board refuses Richard Branson's Virgin Airlines sponsorship

Billionaire Virgin Business Group boss, Richard Branson has offered to sponsor the Pakistan cricket team, currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats....

However, the embattled Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has politely refused the generous multi-million-pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate. As one harassed Board official snapped: "We can't have VIRGIN written on our shirts, when we're getting fucked in every match!"

Fake Cricinfo frontpage during the World Cup 2011

I've certainly been uploading a lot of fake headlines today! Anyway this was hilarious. The good folks at the Cricinfo commentary team for todays SL-WI game referred us to this Indian cricket forum where this picture was uploaded. Brilliant.

Mock interview with Inzamam

Interviewer: Hello Inzi ...
Inzi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim ... first, thanks to Almighty Allah for this interview and ...
Interviewer: Of course ... so tell us, what made you finally resign your captaincy and retire from One-Day cricket?
Inzi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim ... firstly, thanks to Almighty Allah, the boys prayed well...
Interviewer: You mean the boys played well ...
Inzi: No, the boys prayed well ...
Interviewer: Okay, but they did not play well ...
Inzi: No, first comes praying and thanks to Mushy, Saeed Anwar, Yusuf and Junaid Jamshed for leading ba-jamaat prayers ...
Interviewer: But you guys are paid to play, not to pray.
Inzi: No, only Bob, Danish and Shoaib Akhtar play because they don't pray ...but thanks to Almighty Allah, rest of boys prayed well, especially Yusuf and Yunus and Rana and myself who were in good praying form and inshallah we will win this year's Raiwind Tableegh Cup with help from coaching of Mushy and Saeed Anwar.
Interviewer: Right. Now, can we talk about cricket for a change?
Inzi: Why?
Interviewer: What do you mean, why? You're a professional cricketer!
Inzi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim, firstly thanks to Pepsi, 160 million peoples hearts were in their mouths when we beat India at Banglore ...
Interviewer: That was two years ago.
Inzi: Yes, I know ... I also learn math in madressa ...
Interviewer: Right. So, what went wrong at the World Cup?
Inzi: Boys prayed well.
Interviewer: I don't care how they prayed, tell me why did you and the
boys play so badly. Why were you guys so spineless?
Inzi: Rumors and propaganda ... only lies, that's all!
Interviewer: What lies and propaganda?
Inzi: That boys don't have spine. Thanks to Almighty Allah all boys have spine! Tomorrow they will say boys don't have leg, arm and groin ... all nonsense!
Interviewer: Inzi, I was talking metaphorically.
Inzi: Yes ... metavetabally ... thanks to Dr. Naseem Phd. MBBS, LLB Advocate ; boys spine, arm, leg, groin intact!
Interviewer: So, about the World Cup debacle. What went wrong?
Inzi: Bob died.
Interviewer: Yes, but the poor chap died after you guys crashed out of the World Cup.
Inzi: Very unfortunate his death ... very unfortunate. I think it was indigestion.
Interviewer: But he died after you guys lost to West Indies and Ireland ... and he did not die of indigestion. He died of stress.
Inzi: No, no, Bob did not have stress fracture ...
Interviewer: Sigh. Why, because he prayed well too!
Inzi: Juniad, Mushy and me try to convert Bob to pray five times like good Muslim mujahid Tableeghi and said to him look how well Rana ball after keeping almighty beard ...
Interviewer: But Rana was terrible with the ball!
Inzi: Because Bob not convert!
Interviewer: What nonsense!
Inzi: No, you nonsense ... if Bob become Muslim Pakistan surely inshallah, mahshalla win cup!
Interviewer: You mean to say since Bob did not become a Muslim like Muhammad Yunus, you lost?
Inzi: Yes. Very unfortunate that he now dead without becoming Muslim.
Interviewer: Well, what about you? Your career seems dead as well.
Inzi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Raheem, firstly thanks to Pepsi and Lifebouy and promotion in Tableeghi Jamaat, Allah has given me many money ...
Interviewer: So why not build a hospital or a school ...
Inzi: Inshallah, Mushy, me and Juniad plan to build mosque and madressa in Lords ground.
Interviewer: What? Why a mosque and why on the Lords Cricket Ground?
Inzi: Because last night Mushy, me and Juniad have dreams in which Bob in white shalwar and green shirt and white, white wings told us to build mosque in Lords ...
Interviewer: But Bob wasn't even a Muslim!
Inzi: Rumors, lies, propaganda!
Interviewer: So, you're saying that he was a Muslim?
Inzi: In our hearts he was Muslim ...
Interviewer: Yes, but in his heart he wasn't.
Inzi: Yes, that's why he die of heart attack!
Interviewer: Inzi, sorry to say this, but for long it has been noticed that with all this Tableegi thing, you and some of your boys have started to lose not only your form, but your grip on reality as well ...
Inzi: Yes, but my boys prayed well and I talk metavetabally.
Interviewer: But who the hell cares if boys prayed well!
Inzi: Bob.
Interviewer: All he cared about was you guys playing some decent
cricket!
Inzi: Are you saying my boys are indecent? Firstly thanks to Tableeghi Jamaat, all boys now naik and clean and decent ...
Interviewer: But what about the boys' cricket and form? Not very clean
and decent.
Inzi: Yes but boys prayed well and Bob drop dead.
Interviewer: Sigh. Okay, tell us what was you biggest achievement as
captain?
Inzi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Raheem, firstly thanks to Almighty Allah, many boys of team now have beards, and now they all go to heaven when they too die like Bob.
Interviewer: I see. You know, Rameez said that knives await the Pakistan cricket team when they come back, but I think instead of knives usteras, razors and scissors will be more appropriate.
Inzi: Usteras are ban in my team. They are haraam. Look what happened to Bob?
Interviewer: What happened to Bob?
Inzi: He died.
Interviewer: We know that.
Inzi: Yes. It was a shaving accident!
Interviewer: What nonsense!
Inzi: No, you nonsense!
Interviewer: And it's not your team anymore. You're out, gone, finished!
Inzi: No, only Bob gone.
Interviewer: In a recent statement, Junaid Jamshed said he hopes Bob recited the Kalma before he died. What sort of talk is that?
Interviewer: Good talk, good talk ... all boys say Kalma ... we also tell Danish to say Kalma as well ...
Interviewer: But Danish is Hindu. It's like Dravid asking Irfan Pathan to do the bhajan!
Inzi: Yes, yes, I like aloo ke bhaaji also ...
Interviewer: So what next? Who do you think should be the next captain?
Inzi: Saeed Anwar.
Interviewer: But he retired four years ago!
Inzi: Yes, I know ... I also learn math in madressa ...
Interviewer: Never mind. Thank you for talking to us, Inzi. And good luck.
Inzi: No, thanks to Almighty Allah ...
Interviewer: Yes, him too.
Inzi: You are good Muslim. Here, have a Pepsi.

Amusing...Thanks to my dad for forwarding this to me. I think the role of religion in the Pakistani cricket team, jokes aside, really needs to be looked into.

Awesome video of Zaheer Khan and a lucky, embarassed fan

This is cute!

Shahid Afridi, Shoaib Malik Mobilink Jazz commercial

Omar loves commercials and if you're reading this blog, you probably already know that Omar loves cricket. Anyway I just need to type something here, so that the video doesn't look lonely with no text around it. I like this commercial. Its got Afridi and Malik and the model Iman Ali.

Shoaib Akhtar Pepsi commercial

Readers of this blog are probably aware of my bias towards Shoaib Akhtar. Anyway, while looking around for some cool commercials to post on the blog, I found this one especially amusing given that under the circumstances, its probably true. It features Woolmer as the annoyed team coach.

Can you be the next Pakistani opener?

Position Available: Opener for the Pakistan cricket team (National Squad) - temporary position

Position Requirements

No experience required.

Age - Must be young. Under 25, with minimum domestic or international exposure.

Preference for candidates from "warring tribal areas."

Required to score 100 on debut
...and 50 every 20th game thereafter.

Cover drives must be spectacular
...no other shots required
...the worse your pull shot, the better your chances
...proper technique is severely frowned upon

Must flash aggressively at every 3rd delivery well outside the off stump
...contact with delivery optional

Must get out on every 5th such aggressive flash
...contact with delivery not optional

Bandana wearers encouraged to apply.

Must have the diving agility of a cheetah
...but the catching ability of a snail

Must be able to bowl legspin or off break
...however, not required to take wickets (please see note)

Note: In the event that a wicket is taken, or if said player does in fact have wicket taking abilities, the PCB and team management cannot be held responsible for the consequences. The ICC will suspend said player for one of the following reasons:

a) Throwing
b) Match-fixing
c) Match-fixing and throwing
d) Bringing the game into disrepute
e) Bringing yourself into disrepute
f) Bringing iguanas into disrepute
g) Bringing koala bears into disrepute
h) Bringing antique furniture into disrepute
i) Not bringing anything to repute whatsoever
j) All of the above

Complicated numerical nomenclature will be supplied for every law created/cited in the process of having said player banned for just enough games till he/she is completely demoralized and out of form.

Terms and conditions

Short term contract only, 1-1.5 tours
Must be willing to travel extensively, across continents, on a moment's notice

co-authored by billu.net
cross-posted at billu.net and cricket.bloggers.pk

Pakistan's opener rotation schedule comes full circle

Salman Butt has just been named as one of Pakistan's World Cup reserves! Which means an another complete cycle and run-through for our young openers is close to completion. Many critics claim that the PCB really has no long term or short term plans or strategies, but one has got to admire the consistency in our opener rotation.

I may be wrong, but this is the pecking order. Salman Butt starts off. Once Butt fails, Taufeeq Umar is slated to be next. Mohammad Hafeez, is around here, though its uncertain whether he comes after Umar or before Farhat. Anyway, Imran Farhat the bandana toting, catch-dropping bastard comes next. Imran Nazir, the young dashing aggressive opener from Peshawar or somewhere around there, comes in dead last. Now these are the openers on the rotation schedule. Yasir Hameed is an opener too, plays like an opener, and also looks like Imran Nazir crossbreed with Taufeeq Umar. Anyway, he is an opener, but somehow he has been placed into the middle order rotation schedule. (That's a lot slower as may be expected)

On occasion, the selectors and management will plug in Shoaib Malik, Kamran Akmal, Shahid Afridi as openers too. These 3 players are permanent members of the squad, so they are not on the rotation schedule. They are only fit into that opening slot on a temporary/hopeful basis during the transition period. But rest assured, they WILL fail too, so the integrity, frequency and time period of the rotation remains.

In SL last year (March 2006), we had Salman Butt, Kamran Akmal, Shoaib Malik and Imran Farhat as our openers in either test or ODI.

Note: The opener rotation schedule is not biased towards the format of the game. It is speculated that since our openers never cross 60 in either format of the game, and will always aim for a strike rate of over 150 anyway, using them in both formats is sound thinking! As a result, we do not employ specialist test or ODI openers.

In Eng (Summer 2006), It was Salman and Farhat again, but Butt starting doing badly, so Akmal came into open. Kamran Akmal is pretty bad opener. He deserves his own post. So then Mohammad Hafeez came in, scored his 50, which is a tradition for any Pakistani opener who has been out of the side for a while). He failed eventually (a bit sooner than expected), so they got in Taufeeq.

Then WI came to us. Taufeeq was dropped since he played much better in 'ICC Cricket Captain 2005' than in real life. We stuck with Farhat and Hafeeez. Blah blah.

Then we went to SA. Enter Imran Nazir. Bye bye Farhat.

There we have it. So its all just a gamble. Imran Nazir, who 6 months ago was nowhere near being our World Cup opener, is now destined to play the entire tournament. Isn't that amazing? At least its a fair system.

I wonder how I can scribble my name as a possible opener. I'd like to go in right after Farhat, but before Nazir, in the schedule. The reason being, prominent scientists have shown that public expectation in the openers is lowest right after Farhat fails.

Poll shows 97% of the world* thinks Australia will win the Ashes

There you have it folks. The people have spoken. Australia will win the Ashes.

Though some might say 30 is too small of a polling number to make such broad-based assumptions, I shall stand by my poll and claim that it was a fair survey. I feel 30 a fairly decent sub-section of our populace, and this blog probably attracts a diverse community! The blog stats, after all, indicate that most of my visitors actually hail from the UK. So, in conclusion, 29 to 1, or 97% feel the Aussies will win.

In other news, I shall update my blog poll of the week...umm every week.

*refers to the 30 chaps who took my poll.

What is scarier? Dengue fever or Umar Gul?

An amusing comment towards the end of PCB article caught my eye this evening. Its talking about how the West Indies are trying to be careful due to the Dengue fever going around in Karachi. Here is it, with the interesting lines highlighted.

West Indies cricketers have been advised to take precautionary measures to avoid dengue fever which has killed 37 people in Pakistan in the last few months, official said Saturday.

"Team physio Steven Partridge has talked to the players and have told them about the precautionary measures for the fever," West Indies media liaison officer Imran Khan told AFP.

The mosquito-borne virus has swept across Pakistan in the last two months and the worst hit region is the southern Sindh province, of which Karachi is the capital.

Health ministry officials said 1,458 patients had been diagnose with the fever.

Khan said players had not been given any preventive medicines or vaccination.

"Not at this moment, but it is a worry and we have to take precautionary measures."

West Indies appear to face a greater danger from Pakistan fast bowler Umar Gul, who claimed five wickets from the tourists in the first day of the opening Test here Saturday.

Now what? Shoaib allegedly smacks Woolmer on the bus...and some chick at an Indian nightclub

More gossip ...

An NDTV exclusive suggests that there could be more to Pakistan bowler Shoaib Akhtar's ban than just his dope test. A retired Indian Army officer attached to the Pakistani team during the Champions Trophy has told NDTV that Shoaib Akhtar had slapped coach Bob Woolmer on the team bus and also misbehaved with Indian coach Greg Chapell's wife. Hours after the incident, the Pakistan team announced that Shoaib and Mohamad Asif were being sent back home after a failed dope test. Speculation is now doing the rounds that there could be more than the doping scandal that led to Shoaib's infamous exit from the Pakistan cricket team.

'Shoaib slapped Woolmer'
Colonel Anil Kaul, who was with the Pakistani team, has said it could very well have been Shoaib's off-field antics in Jaipur that led to his exit. "These boys were listening to Hindi songs when Bob Woolmer removed the iPod and put on an English song. Shoaib got up and again changed the music, put on a Hindi song. "Woolmer kept quiet and then started making fun of the song. This was too much for Shoaib. He suddenly got up and gave Woolmer a tight slap. Everyone was stunned and quickly intervened," said Kaul.

Another brawl
That wasn't all and that same night after the team dinner, Shoaib got into a brawl at a disco after forcibly trying to dance with a girl. "The chief liaison officer went and got them out of the hotel where they were trapped. But then Shoaib went to the floor where the Indian team was staying and started banging on the doors. He accidentally banged on the door of Indian coach Greg Chappell and his wife came out, dressed in her nightclothes. "Shoaib made some comments about her. The next morning, I was having breakfast with the Pakistani team manager when Woolmer stormed in. He said even Chappell has complained about Shoaib and strict action must be taken," Kaul further said.

Shoaib is vehemently denying the accusations. From Cricinfo...

"This is a rubbish and baseless story, I can never think of misbehaving with my elders and this is an attempt to gain cheap publicity," he said.

and again....

Why would I slap anyone? I have never argued with the coach and neither do I have any thing with Woolmer on which I would argue. There was probably an argument, a difference of opinions but never anything as serious as raising my hand on someone. There is nothing to this, these are all concocted stories. I have a very good relationship with Bob."

He is concentrating his efforts more on the Nandrolone doping case. I have attached the NDTV story here. I don't have any thoughts about this. I think Shoaib has enough on his table already. Though most of these dressing rumors hold some truth to them. Shoaib slapping Woolmer certainly doesn't seem too far fetched. Bob is denying this version as well.

From Cricinfo...

"The story just isn't true. I don't have an iPod and anyway it was a cellphone with music on it. I didn't have any way of changing the song. We joked about the music but at no stage did Shoaib slap me. We were just having a laugh. He was sent back because of the doping issue and nothing else."

and from the NDTV 'exclusive'...

(Woolmer) did accept that there were disciplinary issues with Akhtar. "The issue is being blown out of proportion and Shoaib and I remain friends," said Woolmer.

I'm not really into cricket gossip anyway as its always rumors. There will always be fights and tiffs. These people are human anyway...Lets just move on...

Shoaib's protein cocktail

What the hell is he taking? Is this normal? From the PCB doping tribunal's report...

BLAZE XTREME (a fat burning supplement contaning the All-Star MVPs: Delta 5-E, Tyramine, Forskolin, EGCG (a special constitutent of green Tea), Bacosides A & B, TTA and Caffeine)

NITRON5 containing ornithine and arginine.

ERGOLEAN AMP. Pre-Workout Neuro-stimulant/ Thermogenic Monster.

SIZE ON. It contains Creatine Gluconate (cell volumizer) creatine

Promax 50 (from Fleximuscle, London) a liquid protein diet.

Viper-an isotonic drink to boost the immunity.

T-Bomb II. It is like Testosterone on Testosterone

He also admits taking Herbal medicines (masculinity/strength boosters).

He has also been taking mixed pill vitamins.

My goodness....

7 Simple Ways to Thrash Pakistan

As I write this article, Pakistan is 81 for 9. Yasir Arafat is batting on 22 accompanied by Iftikhar Rao. Wickets are falling all over the place. Thanks to my team, I will have a miserable day. In any case, in stead of harping about how our players suck, and how we really need to rethink our pool of players, I thought I'd write a commentary about how any team can beat Pakistan in cricket....

Oh...we're all out by the way. 89 runs...

1 - Bowl it short on a bouncy pitch. Short balls are hard to play. They are bouncy, and they are short. Not so easy to play. Put someone on third man. We like to slash viciously and get out there.

2 - On a seaming wicket, bowl straight. Nothing more to say

3 - Do not serve up slow, dusty wickets. We are bullies on those surfaces.

4 - Dive for the ball and field it athlectically. Pakistani batsman don't really see much diving since our grounds, are unfortunately not condusive to diving. But it will build the pressure and wickets will fall

5 - Misfield the ball on purpose, a Pakistani batsman will thinks its another run...and he will get run out. This always works with your 4 year old cousin in galli (street). Trust me. It will work with these guys too.

6 - We like fielding with our legs, especially at the boundary. Bending and diving is hard. (see point 4). Play shots along the ground....We will misfield on occasion. Why take the risk of lofting in the air to get quick runs, when you have a good chance of getting them with 'along the ground' shots?

7 - If none of the above works, just keep fielding well, and bowl tight...We will find a new way to get out. That's how we do...


Congratulations to South Africa. They deserved to win. I thought our bowlers did really well. Some comments about the game are in order

A - Umar Gul is really great on these types of surfaces. I am glad he got his undue credit. But why didn't they let him complete his overs?

B - Arafat for Rana? What sort of move is that. This bouncy wicket would have helped Rana's style. What we need is batsman. Yes, Arafat did well compared to the rest, but I would gotten rid of a bowler for a specialist batsman. Either way. This worked.

C - Ntini and Pollock are awesome! They are such cool bowlers to watch. Ntini, especially, has become such an amazing bowler in the past few years. Is there anyone who uses the crease so effectively?

D - Younis Khan should be dropped from the ODI team. Please believe me...

E - Afridi sucks.

F - Why were Razzak and Afridi laughing out there in the middle when we 6 down? What the hell is so funny?

G - South Africa did a great job to pull back from a loss. Its this determination that Boucher and Kemp had, that we lacked.

H - Can we not play swing and seam? And if so, why do we keep selecting players, allrounders, etxc to play on such wickets? We need batsmen of sound technique. If we can produce Mohammad Yousuf, I am sure there are a couple of guys in domestic cricket, that are talented enough to make the squad and can play the moving ball..

I - All we had to do was last the first 15 overs. We needed to block. We needed to see off Ntini and Pollock. These guys are top rated bowlers, Give them some respect. Our batmen are too comfortable in their situation. They need to shoulder more responsiblity and hold their wicket at all costs. Afridi, Hafeez, Younis played such rash shots.

I'm out...

Seeing the following RSS headlines from Cricinfo makes me laugh

What a nutty week for Pakistani cricket. I have a bunch of links on this blog on the right. Feeds from various cricket news sources.

Just reading the headlines is amusing...

-Technicality rules Inzamam out of tournament
-'I will be happy to see Inzi lift the trophy...' - Younis
-Younis Khan reinstated as captain
-Shaharyar Khan resigns from PCB
-Younis claims to be Yorkshire captain

Cricinfo's Pakistan rss news feed is like a gossip column!

Happy days....

I miss the good old days...

the art of coin tampering FROM www.billu.net

With all this noise in the media about ball tampering, my colleague at www.billu.net wrote an excellent piece on 'coin tampering'.



Enjoy