Why is Salman Butt a choice for captain?

It's amusing to read news reports claiming Shoaib Malik and Salman Butt are the front runners to take over the captaincy mantle. I assume the decision, which will be taken real soon, will probably be with regards to both the test and ODI teams.

If it is truly for both squads, then its ridiculous because Salman Butt is not even in the bloody squad. On the other hand, Shoaib Malik has played less than 20 test matches. I just hope they're talking about the ODI team...

Though Butt being an option clearly proves that my opener rotation policy is in full effect at the PCB.

On the bright side, I'm glad Younis Khan is thinking about retiring from ODI's. Good riddance.

The PCB are a bunch of fools and will probably bungle this up. Anyway, at this crucial juncture in Pakistani cricket, being as its all a joke anyway, I'd like to raise my hand and officially announce my candidacy for the Pakistan team captain.

Well, if nothing else, would it be possible to scribble my name in between Imran Farhat and Taufeeq Umar when the next opener rotation round comes about?

Can you be the next Pakistani opener?

Position Available: Opener for the Pakistan cricket team (National Squad) - temporary position

Position Requirements

No experience required.

Age - Must be young. Under 25, with minimum domestic or international exposure.

Preference for candidates from "warring tribal areas."

Required to score 100 on debut
...and 50 every 20th game thereafter.

Cover drives must be spectacular
...no other shots required
...the worse your pull shot, the better your chances
...proper technique is severely frowned upon

Must flash aggressively at every 3rd delivery well outside the off stump
...contact with delivery optional

Must get out on every 5th such aggressive flash
...contact with delivery not optional

Bandana wearers encouraged to apply.

Must have the diving agility of a cheetah
...but the catching ability of a snail

Must be able to bowl legspin or off break
...however, not required to take wickets (please see note)

Note: In the event that a wicket is taken, or if said player does in fact have wicket taking abilities, the PCB and team management cannot be held responsible for the consequences. The ICC will suspend said player for one of the following reasons:

a) Throwing
b) Match-fixing
c) Match-fixing and throwing
d) Bringing the game into disrepute
e) Bringing yourself into disrepute
f) Bringing iguanas into disrepute
g) Bringing koala bears into disrepute
h) Bringing antique furniture into disrepute
i) Not bringing anything to repute whatsoever
j) All of the above

Complicated numerical nomenclature will be supplied for every law created/cited in the process of having said player banned for just enough games till he/she is completely demoralized and out of form.

Terms and conditions

Short term contract only, 1-1.5 tours
Must be willing to travel extensively, across continents, on a moment's notice

co-authored by billu.net
cross-posted at billu.net and cricket.bloggers.pk

Pakistan's opener rotation schedule comes full circle

Salman Butt has just been named as one of Pakistan's World Cup reserves! Which means an another complete cycle and run-through for our young openers is close to completion. Many critics claim that the PCB really has no long term or short term plans or strategies, but one has got to admire the consistency in our opener rotation.

I may be wrong, but this is the pecking order. Salman Butt starts off. Once Butt fails, Taufeeq Umar is slated to be next. Mohammad Hafeez, is around here, though its uncertain whether he comes after Umar or before Farhat. Anyway, Imran Farhat the bandana toting, catch-dropping bastard comes next. Imran Nazir, the young dashing aggressive opener from Peshawar or somewhere around there, comes in dead last. Now these are the openers on the rotation schedule. Yasir Hameed is an opener too, plays like an opener, and also looks like Imran Nazir crossbreed with Taufeeq Umar. Anyway, he is an opener, but somehow he has been placed into the middle order rotation schedule. (That's a lot slower as may be expected)

On occasion, the selectors and management will plug in Shoaib Malik, Kamran Akmal, Shahid Afridi as openers too. These 3 players are permanent members of the squad, so they are not on the rotation schedule. They are only fit into that opening slot on a temporary/hopeful basis during the transition period. But rest assured, they WILL fail too, so the integrity, frequency and time period of the rotation remains.

In SL last year (March 2006), we had Salman Butt, Kamran Akmal, Shoaib Malik and Imran Farhat as our openers in either test or ODI.

Note: The opener rotation schedule is not biased towards the format of the game. It is speculated that since our openers never cross 60 in either format of the game, and will always aim for a strike rate of over 150 anyway, using them in both formats is sound thinking! As a result, we do not employ specialist test or ODI openers.

In Eng (Summer 2006), It was Salman and Farhat again, but Butt starting doing badly, so Akmal came into open. Kamran Akmal is pretty bad opener. He deserves his own post. So then Mohammad Hafeez came in, scored his 50, which is a tradition for any Pakistani opener who has been out of the side for a while). He failed eventually (a bit sooner than expected), so they got in Taufeeq.

Then WI came to us. Taufeeq was dropped since he played much better in 'ICC Cricket Captain 2005' than in real life. We stuck with Farhat and Hafeeez. Blah blah.

Then we went to SA. Enter Imran Nazir. Bye bye Farhat.

There we have it. So its all just a gamble. Imran Nazir, who 6 months ago was nowhere near being our World Cup opener, is now destined to play the entire tournament. Isn't that amazing? At least its a fair system.

I wonder how I can scribble my name as a possible opener. I'd like to go in right after Farhat, but before Nazir, in the schedule. The reason being, prominent scientists have shown that public expectation in the openers is lowest right after Farhat fails.